Exodus 13-14

We begin today's reading with a recap on the numerous rules for eating bread. We also learn that Hebrews are to sanctify their firstborn sons and beasts to God. Apparently that means they are more special or something. Because, again, we are so thankful that when God slaughtered all those people, he spared us because we slaughtered a lamb. And because we're extra special for no apparent reason.

And it came to pass that Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt by way of the Red Sea. No one had time to pack the yeast before they hit the road, so they are stuck with unleavened bread for the trip. God seems to hate leavened bread though, so I think this works out. Moses has enough spare time to locate and dig up Joseph's bones so he can carry them to Canaan. Nothing odd about that.

The exodus from Egypt begins, and God takes the form of a pillar of cloud to guide them by day, and a pillar of fire to guide them by night. Recall Jacob's kin made this trek between Egypt and Canaan many times, but Moses' group apparently has a poor sense of direction. Although with a party of 600,000+, a pillar of fire might be a practical thing to take along.

The Lord hardens Pharaoh's heart yet again and has him decide he doesn't want to free the Hebrews after all. WTF. Pharaoh leads a group of 600 chariots to overtake Moses and gang. Because 600 chariots and crew can overtake 600,000+ people whose leader has already slaughtered them 10 times over. Right. And here's an idea - why doesn't God just murder everyone like he did with good old Er and Onan. Why all the games? Well, God repeatedly says he wants his presence to be known - remember this next time someone says God can't make himself visible to us because it's all about faith, and blah blah blah.

We've reached another scene that everyone knows. Moses parts the Red Sea so his folks can scamper across and get away from the moronic Egyptians who just keep coming back for more. Pharaoh and crew follow, and as you well know, the wall of water crashes down on them. "There remained not so much as one of them." Wouldn't there be a historical record of all the king's finest crew and horses drowning in 600 chariots?

"And Israel saw that great work which the LORD did upon the Egyptians: and the people feared the LORD, and believed the LORD, and his servant Moses." Yeah, great work, God. Way to murder everyone.