Leviticus 8

The Lord spake unto Moses, instructing him to gather Aaron and sons along with special clothes, oil, a bull, two rams and some unleavened bread. It's going to be a wild night, boys. They scamper to the tabernacle, wash and dress one another, then anoint each other with oil. And he girded him with the girdle, and clothed him with the robe, and put the ephod upon him, and he girded him with the curious girdle of the ephod, and bound it unto him therewith. Hey, it gets lonely in the desert. I'm not here to judge. He put the breastplate upon him and the mitre upon thy head. And he oiled him with the curious oil of his head. And he rubbed his ephod upon him. Gird! Gird! Gird! Again! Again! Again!

So everyone smokes a cigarette, and it's time for round 2. Moses anoints the tabernacle, sprinkling oil thereof upon the altar seven times to sanctify it. He sprinkles oil on Aaron, does more girding with girdles and puts bonnets on everyone. Then for the big finish, they murder the bull and smear its blood on the altar.

Now it's time to mutilate the dead bull. First they burn the fat, caul and kidneys on the altar. Next they take the skin, flesh and poo poo and burn it outside. With that out of the way, they murder ram #1. They sprinkle some blood round about the altar, then chop the ram into pieces and burn it. It's a sweet savour unto the Lord. And what could be sweeter really?

They set their sites on the remaining ram who has to be shitting itself by now, don't you think? It doesn't suffer long. They kill it of course, and Moses smears its blood on the tip of Aaron's right ear, right thumb and right big toe. He likes this so much he repeats the process with each of Aaron's sons.

Moses takes the ram's fat, rump, all the fat that was upon the inwards, the caul above the liver, the two kidneys and their fat, and the right shoulder. He grabs one unleavened cake, a cake of oiled bread and one wafer, and sets them on top of the fat and right shoulder. Moses and company wave these pieces and parts in the air as a wave offering. They burn everything as a burnt offering, a sweet savour unto the Lord. Moses waves the burned breast in the air, then sprinkles anointing oil and leftover ram's blood all over his brother and nephews. They boil the remaining ram flesh, eat it with some bread (unleavened, of course), and burn the leftovers.

Moses and the gang are to stay in the tabernacle and keep watch for seven days. The Lord hath commanded them to do this, so they die not.