The Israelites are joyful and triumphant now that Pharaoh's finest are dead at the bottom of the Red Sea. The Lord hath dashed the enemy into pieces. Hooray! They break out in song, and the ladies dance with tambourines.
Moses and company continue their travels, and after three days in the wilderness they find themselves without water. They discover water in Marah but darn the luck, it is too bitter to drink. The people complain and cry. God tells Moses to throw a tree in the water which as any idiot knows makes the water sweet. Problem solved.
They travel on and run out of food. The people complain some more. God and Moses talk some more. God makes it rain manna, a type of bread (unleavened, of course). There are rules for how much to collect and on what days. The Hebrews can't keep the rules straight and God gets pissy. They get it all straightened out, and the people eat manna for their entire 40 year journey to Canaan. Why is it taking so long to get there?
The next place they set up camp has no water. Sigh... this again. The people moan and groan. This time God tells Moses to strike a rock and water will come out. This isn't good enough for the Hebrews. They ask, "is the LORD among us, or not?" These people have seen thousands upon thousands of people murdered for no reason other than being born in the wrong place, and they know Moses is the only reason they've made it this far, yet they take every opportunity to bitch.
A battle breaks out with some people led by a fellow named Amalek. The Hebrews are led by Joshua, who is mentioned as though we've known him all along. Moses, Aaron and Hur watch the fight from a hilltop. "And it came to pass, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed: and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed." Moses' arms get tired so Aaron and Hur hold them up for him. I couldn't make this shit up, folks. Take a big guess which side wins. Right.
Moses builds an altar, and calls the name of it Jehovahnissi. Good choice.
Showing posts with label Pharaoh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pharaoh. Show all posts
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Exodus 13-14
We begin today's reading with a recap on the numerous rules for eating bread. We also learn that Hebrews are to sanctify their firstborn sons and beasts to God. Apparently that means they are more special or something. Because, again, we are so thankful that when God slaughtered all those people, he spared us because we slaughtered a lamb. And because we're extra special for no apparent reason.
And it came to pass that Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt by way of the Red Sea. No one had time to pack the yeast before they hit the road, so they are stuck with unleavened bread for the trip. God seems to hate leavened bread though, so I think this works out. Moses has enough spare time to locate and dig up Joseph's bones so he can carry them to Canaan. Nothing odd about that.
The exodus from Egypt begins, and God takes the form of a pillar of cloud to guide them by day, and a pillar of fire to guide them by night. Recall Jacob's kin made this trek between Egypt and Canaan many times, but Moses' group apparently has a poor sense of direction. Although with a party of 600,000+, a pillar of fire might be a practical thing to take along.
The Lord hardens Pharaoh's heart yet again and has him decide he doesn't want to free the Hebrews after all. WTF. Pharaoh leads a group of 600 chariots to overtake Moses and gang. Because 600 chariots and crew can overtake 600,000+ people whose leader has already slaughtered them 10 times over. Right. And here's an idea - why doesn't God just murder everyone like he did with good old Er and Onan. Why all the games? Well, God repeatedly says he wants his presence to be known - remember this next time someone says God can't make himself visible to us because it's all about faith, and blah blah blah.
We've reached another scene that everyone knows. Moses parts the Red Sea so his folks can scamper across and get away from the moronic Egyptians who just keep coming back for more. Pharaoh and crew follow, and as you well know, the wall of water crashes down on them. "There remained not so much as one of them." Wouldn't there be a historical record of all the king's finest crew and horses drowning in 600 chariots?
"And Israel saw that great work which the LORD did upon the Egyptians: and the people feared the LORD, and believed the LORD, and his servant Moses." Yeah, great work, God. Way to murder everyone.
And it came to pass that Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt by way of the Red Sea. No one had time to pack the yeast before they hit the road, so they are stuck with unleavened bread for the trip. God seems to hate leavened bread though, so I think this works out. Moses has enough spare time to locate and dig up Joseph's bones so he can carry them to Canaan. Nothing odd about that.
The exodus from Egypt begins, and God takes the form of a pillar of cloud to guide them by day, and a pillar of fire to guide them by night. Recall Jacob's kin made this trek between Egypt and Canaan many times, but Moses' group apparently has a poor sense of direction. Although with a party of 600,000+, a pillar of fire might be a practical thing to take along.
The Lord hardens Pharaoh's heart yet again and has him decide he doesn't want to free the Hebrews after all. WTF. Pharaoh leads a group of 600 chariots to overtake Moses and gang. Because 600 chariots and crew can overtake 600,000+ people whose leader has already slaughtered them 10 times over. Right. And here's an idea - why doesn't God just murder everyone like he did with good old Er and Onan. Why all the games? Well, God repeatedly says he wants his presence to be known - remember this next time someone says God can't make himself visible to us because it's all about faith, and blah blah blah.
We've reached another scene that everyone knows. Moses parts the Red Sea so his folks can scamper across and get away from the moronic Egyptians who just keep coming back for more. Pharaoh and crew follow, and as you well know, the wall of water crashes down on them. "There remained not so much as one of them." Wouldn't there be a historical record of all the king's finest crew and horses drowning in 600 chariots?
"And Israel saw that great work which the LORD did upon the Egyptians: and the people feared the LORD, and believed the LORD, and his servant Moses." Yeah, great work, God. Way to murder everyone.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Exodus 12
Chapter 11 ended with the description of the 10th plague. Show of hands - who knew the 10th plague is actually Passover? Yes, that Passover. The Jewish holiday you don't particularly understand. Well, prepare to be dazzled. God has outdone himself on this one.
Chapter 12 explains the rules of Passover, when God passes over the houses of the Hebrews and murders the firstborn son and beast of the Egyptians. Something to celebrate, no?
So God does all the planned murdering, and Pharaoh has finally had enough. He tells Moses to get his people out of Egypt. "The Egyptians were forcing the people on, to get them out of the land quickly; for they said, We are all dead men." No kidding. How are there any Egyptians left? And haven't the livestock been killed several times over by now? God tinkers with Egyptian minds so they look on the Hebrews with favor and hand over their silver and gold. That is just rude. Christ. I mean God.
And it came to pass that the Lord led 600,000+ Israelites out of Egypt. They are in too big of a hurry to pack the yeast so it's all unleavened bread for the journey. God tells them not to share their bread with anyone along the way who is uncircumcised.
Chapter 12 explains the rules of Passover, when God passes over the houses of the Hebrews and murders the firstborn son and beast of the Egyptians. Something to celebrate, no?
- On the tenth day of the first month of the year, get a young unblemished male lamb. Hold it until the 14th day, then slaughter it at dusk.
- Smudge some of the lamb's blood on the sides and top of the door. This will let God know where the chosen people are (shouldn't he know?).
- Bake the lamb with its head, legs and innards. This should go without saying but do NOT boil it.
- Eat all you can and burn the rest by sunrise.
- Make sure you're wearing your shoes. Holding a stick is also recommended.
- During the night, God will kill all the Egyptian firstborn men and beast. It seems he does this simultaneously, unlike Santa Claus' nighttime routine where he visits houses one by one. God is just that powerful.
- From the first through the seventh days, eat unleavened bread. So is this just bread without yeast? Am I missing something? If you eat Wonderbread between the first and seventh days, you are cut off from Israel forever.
- On the first and seventh days, hold holy meetings and don't work.
- From the 14th through the 21st day, same deal on the bread. If Wonderbread is even in the house, you're out of the tribe.
- Slaves and house guests can take part in Passover rituals, provided they are circumcised.
So God does all the planned murdering, and Pharaoh has finally had enough. He tells Moses to get his people out of Egypt. "The Egyptians were forcing the people on, to get them out of the land quickly; for they said, We are all dead men." No kidding. How are there any Egyptians left? And haven't the livestock been killed several times over by now? God tinkers with Egyptian minds so they look on the Hebrews with favor and hand over their silver and gold. That is just rude. Christ. I mean God.
And it came to pass that the Lord led 600,000+ Israelites out of Egypt. They are in too big of a hurry to pack the yeast so it's all unleavened bread for the journey. God tells them not to share their bread with anyone along the way who is uncircumcised.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Exodus 5-6
Take a guess what bubbled up to the surface as I read Exodus Chapter 5. Sunday school memories? Religion class in high school? Lessons from CCD? No, no and no. My first thought was Nervous Night, the Hooters' cassette tape I played the crap out of in junior high. Holy Moses met the Pharaoh. Yeah, he tried to set him straight. Looked him in the eye. Said let my people go! ... All you zombies, show your faces, all you people in the street. All you sitting in high places, the rain's gonna fall on you.
And we danced, like a wave on the ocean, romanced. Had I known Exodus was so good to rock out to, I would have read it a long time ago. Nothing lasts forever, only fades away. Day by dayyyy.
Just like the Hooters taught us, Moses tells Pharaoh to let his people go. Pharaoh says, bitch please. And with that, it's on. Pharaoh's first little stunt is to withhold straw from the Hebrew slaves yet demand they make just as many bricks. Apparently straw is a key supply. There are beatings when the brick production slows down.
Moses informs God his initial convo with Pharaoh didn't go so well. God responds, "I am the LORD" (I like how he yells some words) and reveals he is also named Jehovah. A nickname, I suppose. God says the groaning of the Israelites reminded him of his covenant with Abraham. I guess he was a little out of it while things got out of control in Egypt. And now Moses is his go-to guy to return these folks to Canaan. God tells Moses to get back in the game, man.
God runs through the list of Abraham's descendants, and tells Moses to repeat the whole thing to Pharaoh. Moses is concerned about his uncircumcised lips, which according to other versions of the bible means his unskilled speech. How you get from A to B on this one is beyond me.
And we danced, like a wave on the ocean, romanced. Had I known Exodus was so good to rock out to, I would have read it a long time ago. Nothing lasts forever, only fades away. Day by dayyyy.
Just like the Hooters taught us, Moses tells Pharaoh to let his people go. Pharaoh says, bitch please. And with that, it's on. Pharaoh's first little stunt is to withhold straw from the Hebrew slaves yet demand they make just as many bricks. Apparently straw is a key supply. There are beatings when the brick production slows down.
Moses informs God his initial convo with Pharaoh didn't go so well. God responds, "I am the LORD" (I like how he yells some words) and reveals he is also named Jehovah. A nickname, I suppose. God says the groaning of the Israelites reminded him of his covenant with Abraham. I guess he was a little out of it while things got out of control in Egypt. And now Moses is his go-to guy to return these folks to Canaan. God tells Moses to get back in the game, man.
God runs through the list of Abraham's descendants, and tells Moses to repeat the whole thing to Pharaoh. Moses is concerned about his uncircumcised lips, which according to other versions of the bible means his unskilled speech. How you get from A to B on this one is beyond me.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Exodus 1-2
The days of Genesis are long behind us. Jacob's children, the 12 tribes of Israel, are dead and gone. Their descendants are very fertile and have "waxed exceedingly mighty" in Egypt.
A new Pharaoh takes the helm and is concerned the Israelites are a little too plentiful and strong. It isn't clear how he can tell Egyptians from Hebrews. Does he look for the circumcised? This wouldn't include the gals though. Or maybe it's skin color/racism? Somehow he knows who the Hebrews are and enslaves them. Makes sense. The Egyptians work them extra hard, yet they keep multiplying with wild abandon. Pharaoh has had enough so he instructs the Hebrew midwives to kill male Hebrew newborns. The midwives are too God fearing to do so, and God rewards them with houses. Good choice. He also makes Jacob's people extra, extra fertile. Take that, Pharaoh. Then Pharaoh extends his order to everyone in Egypt: "Every son that is born ye shall cast into the river, and every daughter ye shall save alive." This is some sinister stuff. It also makes zero sense.
The Hebrew babe we will later know as Moses is born. His mom can tell he is a goodly child, and it takes her three months to dump him in the Nile. She builds him a little ark of bulrushes, so technically she is meeting Pharaoh's demands, and yet the wee one has a chance of survival. Provided the elements don't get him first. Or wild animals. Or a leaky ark. Or hypothermia. Or starvation.
Pharaoh's daughter finds the baby. Wouldn't there be lots of babies in the water? This is a horrifying image. Or is Moses' mom the only one who complied? Or has only one baby been born? The lady feels sorry for him and selects a wet nurse from the nearby Hebrew slaves. And wouldn't you know, it's Moses' mom! She weans him and hands him over to Pharaoh's daughter to raise. How did she then get rid of Moses' birth mom, and how did she swing bringing a Hebrew kid into the family without Pharaoh knowing?
One verse later, Moses is a grown man. He somehow knows he is an Israelite. He sees an Egyptian beating an enslaved Hebrew and something in him snaps. He murders the Egyptian, then high tails it to Midian to hide. He finds a girl there to marry. She conceives (a son, of course) and they name the baby Gershom, "for he said, I have been a stranger in a strange land." I like finding familiar phrases like this as a I read along. I have to wonder though - how did we pluck a little nugget like this and somehow get past/ignore the ludicrous story where it appears?
OK so the stupid Pharaoh dies. The enslaved Israelites groan and wail loud enough for God to hear. Apparently he's been out to lunch this whole time. He takes notice and is concerned. Because slavery is evil and wrong? Why, no. Because the Hebrews are the descendants of Abraham. And that causes God to remember his little old covenant with Abraham. Hope everyone is circumcised.
A new Pharaoh takes the helm and is concerned the Israelites are a little too plentiful and strong. It isn't clear how he can tell Egyptians from Hebrews. Does he look for the circumcised? This wouldn't include the gals though. Or maybe it's skin color/racism? Somehow he knows who the Hebrews are and enslaves them. Makes sense. The Egyptians work them extra hard, yet they keep multiplying with wild abandon. Pharaoh has had enough so he instructs the Hebrew midwives to kill male Hebrew newborns. The midwives are too God fearing to do so, and God rewards them with houses. Good choice. He also makes Jacob's people extra, extra fertile. Take that, Pharaoh. Then Pharaoh extends his order to everyone in Egypt: "Every son that is born ye shall cast into the river, and every daughter ye shall save alive." This is some sinister stuff. It also makes zero sense.
The Hebrew babe we will later know as Moses is born. His mom can tell he is a goodly child, and it takes her three months to dump him in the Nile. She builds him a little ark of bulrushes, so technically she is meeting Pharaoh's demands, and yet the wee one has a chance of survival. Provided the elements don't get him first. Or wild animals. Or a leaky ark. Or hypothermia. Or starvation.
Pharaoh's daughter finds the baby. Wouldn't there be lots of babies in the water? This is a horrifying image. Or is Moses' mom the only one who complied? Or has only one baby been born? The lady feels sorry for him and selects a wet nurse from the nearby Hebrew slaves. And wouldn't you know, it's Moses' mom! She weans him and hands him over to Pharaoh's daughter to raise. How did she then get rid of Moses' birth mom, and how did she swing bringing a Hebrew kid into the family without Pharaoh knowing?
One verse later, Moses is a grown man. He somehow knows he is an Israelite. He sees an Egyptian beating an enslaved Hebrew and something in him snaps. He murders the Egyptian, then high tails it to Midian to hide. He finds a girl there to marry. She conceives (a son, of course) and they name the baby Gershom, "for he said, I have been a stranger in a strange land." I like finding familiar phrases like this as a I read along. I have to wonder though - how did we pluck a little nugget like this and somehow get past/ignore the ludicrous story where it appears?
OK so the stupid Pharaoh dies. The enslaved Israelites groan and wail loud enough for God to hear. Apparently he's been out to lunch this whole time. He takes notice and is concerned. Because slavery is evil and wrong? Why, no. Because the Hebrews are the descendants of Abraham. And that causes God to remember his little old covenant with Abraham. Hope everyone is circumcised.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Genesis 42-45
Ten of Joseph's brothers head to Egypt. Benjamin stays with Daddy who wants one son safe at home if tragedy befalls the others during their travels.
Joe recognizes his brothers but they don't know who he is. He returns to his jackass habits of the past and toys with them quite a bit. He puts them in jail for three days, then decides to send all but Simeon home to retrieve the missing brother. He says this will prove they are not spies. While Simeon is tied up, the others haul some corn home. They freak out when they realize their corn sacks contain money that isn't theirs.
Jacob is unhappy when informed of the need to take Benjamin to Egypt. Reuben replies, hey if I don't return Ben and Simeon safe and sound, you can kill my two sons. A tit-for-tat kind of deal. Good thinking. Jacob asks why did you mention Benjamin in the first place? Why couldn't you be liars like me? But alas, they're out of corn and must return to Egypt. And, oh yeah, Simeon is still in jail. I don't feel sorry for him though as he did massacre a bunch of people a few chapters back.
The brothers return with gifts (myrrh and whatnot), money for more corn and the money that was slipped into their corn sacks. Joe tells them to relax about the money, frees Simeon, lets them wash their feet and gives their asses provender. When Joe sees Benjamin, he gets antsy to reveal who he is. "For his bowels did yearn upon his brother." He's so excited he could poop. They have a big feast and marvel upon one another.
Joseph sends the 11 off with more corn and cash, this time slipping a silver cup into Ben's corn bag. He then sends his goons after them and "they speedily took down every man his sack to the ground." Ouch. They find the "stolen" silver cup and haul everyone back before Joseph. Joe threatens to kill Ben, and Judah pleads to take his life instead. This test proves the brothers are reformed and worthy, so he finally tells them who he is. And thank God, because I didn't think this chapter would ever end.
Chapter 45 ties up this little episode nicely. Joseph says if he hadn't been sold into slavery, he couldn't have saved Egypt from famine. God sent him to be a prisoner, so he could become a lord of Egypt. This reasoning could be used to justify some shitty behavior -- sorry I pushed you into slavery but, well, it was God's will.
Hugging and kissing ensues, and everyone weeps upon thy brother's neck. Pharoah and his slaves are very pleased. Slaves love a good family reunion. Pharoah announces all the good of the land of Egypt belongs to Joe's brethren and sends them home with wagons of gifts. Joe's career is well established, so he stays put in Egypt.
When Jacob learns Joseph is alive and well, he pledges to see him again before he dies. That's right, they're going back to Egypt. Again.
Joe recognizes his brothers but they don't know who he is. He returns to his jackass habits of the past and toys with them quite a bit. He puts them in jail for three days, then decides to send all but Simeon home to retrieve the missing brother. He says this will prove they are not spies. While Simeon is tied up, the others haul some corn home. They freak out when they realize their corn sacks contain money that isn't theirs.
Jacob is unhappy when informed of the need to take Benjamin to Egypt. Reuben replies, hey if I don't return Ben and Simeon safe and sound, you can kill my two sons. A tit-for-tat kind of deal. Good thinking. Jacob asks why did you mention Benjamin in the first place? Why couldn't you be liars like me? But alas, they're out of corn and must return to Egypt. And, oh yeah, Simeon is still in jail. I don't feel sorry for him though as he did massacre a bunch of people a few chapters back.
The brothers return with gifts (myrrh and whatnot), money for more corn and the money that was slipped into their corn sacks. Joe tells them to relax about the money, frees Simeon, lets them wash their feet and gives their asses provender. When Joe sees Benjamin, he gets antsy to reveal who he is. "For his bowels did yearn upon his brother." He's so excited he could poop. They have a big feast and marvel upon one another.
Joseph sends the 11 off with more corn and cash, this time slipping a silver cup into Ben's corn bag. He then sends his goons after them and "they speedily took down every man his sack to the ground." Ouch. They find the "stolen" silver cup and haul everyone back before Joseph. Joe threatens to kill Ben, and Judah pleads to take his life instead. This test proves the brothers are reformed and worthy, so he finally tells them who he is. And thank God, because I didn't think this chapter would ever end.
Chapter 45 ties up this little episode nicely. Joseph says if he hadn't been sold into slavery, he couldn't have saved Egypt from famine. God sent him to be a prisoner, so he could become a lord of Egypt. This reasoning could be used to justify some shitty behavior -- sorry I pushed you into slavery but, well, it was God's will.
Hugging and kissing ensues, and everyone weeps upon thy brother's neck. Pharoah and his slaves are very pleased. Slaves love a good family reunion. Pharoah announces all the good of the land of Egypt belongs to Joe's brethren and sends them home with wagons of gifts. Joe's career is well established, so he stays put in Egypt.
When Jacob learns Joseph is alive and well, he pledges to see him again before he dies. That's right, they're going back to Egypt. Again.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Genesis 39-41
Potiphar can see the Lord is with his new slave Joseph (whatever that means) and puts him in charge of the house. Because Joseph is such a goodly person and well favored, God blesses Potiphar's home, crops and possessions.
Potiphar's wife has the hots for Joseph, but he continually refuses her. She gets pretty animated about it and grabs his garment while demanding sex. He flees. She uses the clothing as evidence that the Hebrew servant tried to rape her. Potiphar is very wroth and throws Joe in jail next to Pharoah's butler and baker.
The guard can see the Lord is with Joseph (again, what?) so he puts him in charge of the butler and baker. The prison guard puts a prisoner in charge of the other prisoners. Right. The butler and baker dream some dreams. You can listen to the soundtrack for details. "And Joseph came in unto them in the morning, and looked upon them, and behold, they were sad." Supposedly they are sad because they don't understand the meaning of their dreams, but until this point in the bible the phrase "came in unto them" has been reserved for naughty time. Bow chicka wow wow. I guess it is a prison. Anyway, Joe informs them the butler's dream means he will be released from jail in three days (and he is). The baker's dream means Pharoah will hang him from a tree in three days (and he does).
Two years later Pharoah dreams about seven skinny cows eating fat cows, and seven pitiful ears of corn eating seven beautiful ears of corn. And, behold, it was a dream. Clearly it means something very important. So how do these folks know which dreams mean something and which are the random nonsense that everyone dreams every night? Pharoah summons all the magicians in Egypt but they too are stumped. The butler tells Pharoah about the faithful Hebrew servant Joseph.
Pharoah calls for the imprisoned Joseph, who shaves, changes his clothes and "came in unto Pharoah." I guess that's one way to break the ice. Joe, wouldn't you know, can interpret the dreams: Egypt will have seven years of feast and seven of famine. Pharoah is impressed with Joseph's obvious talents and makes him his second in command. He gives Joe fine clothes, jewelry, a chariot, a wife and a new name: Zaphnathpaaneah.
During the seven plentiful years, Joseph directs all the surplus to be stored. Apparently being in a dungeon the past few years has sharpened his leadership skills. His wife bares two babes (sons, of course), Manasseh and Ephraim. And then the famine strikes. People somehow know food is stored in Egypt and show up in droves from other lands. Pharoah directs all the hungry people to Joseph. Chapter 41 ends as Jacob sends his sons to Egypt to buy corn. We're right on the cusp of a brotherly reunion.
Potiphar's wife has the hots for Joseph, but he continually refuses her. She gets pretty animated about it and grabs his garment while demanding sex. He flees. She uses the clothing as evidence that the Hebrew servant tried to rape her. Potiphar is very wroth and throws Joe in jail next to Pharoah's butler and baker.
The guard can see the Lord is with Joseph (again, what?) so he puts him in charge of the butler and baker. The prison guard puts a prisoner in charge of the other prisoners. Right. The butler and baker dream some dreams. You can listen to the soundtrack for details. "And Joseph came in unto them in the morning, and looked upon them, and behold, they were sad." Supposedly they are sad because they don't understand the meaning of their dreams, but until this point in the bible the phrase "came in unto them" has been reserved for naughty time. Bow chicka wow wow. I guess it is a prison. Anyway, Joe informs them the butler's dream means he will be released from jail in three days (and he is). The baker's dream means Pharoah will hang him from a tree in three days (and he does).
Two years later Pharoah dreams about seven skinny cows eating fat cows, and seven pitiful ears of corn eating seven beautiful ears of corn. And, behold, it was a dream. Clearly it means something very important. So how do these folks know which dreams mean something and which are the random nonsense that everyone dreams every night? Pharoah summons all the magicians in Egypt but they too are stumped. The butler tells Pharoah about the faithful Hebrew servant Joseph.
Pharoah calls for the imprisoned Joseph, who shaves, changes his clothes and "came in unto Pharoah." I guess that's one way to break the ice. Joe, wouldn't you know, can interpret the dreams: Egypt will have seven years of feast and seven of famine. Pharoah is impressed with Joseph's obvious talents and makes him his second in command. He gives Joe fine clothes, jewelry, a chariot, a wife and a new name: Zaphnathpaaneah.
During the seven plentiful years, Joseph directs all the surplus to be stored. Apparently being in a dungeon the past few years has sharpened his leadership skills. His wife bares two babes (sons, of course), Manasseh and Ephraim. And then the famine strikes. People somehow know food is stored in Egypt and show up in droves from other lands. Pharoah directs all the hungry people to Joseph. Chapter 41 ends as Jacob sends his sons to Egypt to buy corn. We're right on the cusp of a brotherly reunion.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Genesis 10-12
A whole lot of begatting is going on in Genesis Chapter 10 with the descendants of Noah. Joktan begat Almomad and Sheleph, and on and on. Chapter 11 is more of the same. We meet Abram and Sarai whom we follow for a few chapters. They are married but childless.
10/10/11 EDIT: Today I realized I missed something significant in Ch. 11: the Tower of Babel, which is a pretty enduring image from the bible, so I'm breaking some blog rule and editing an old post. You know, I have wrestled with getting into too much detail in these posts because I don't want them to go on ad nauseam, but then when I try to be concise I miss something. Also, this book is effing boring at times.
OK, so... everyone on earth speaks the same language, which is really handy for building a tower to heaven. Makes it easier to assign roles and such. When God gets wind of this, he makes it so that people no longer speak one common language. And wa-la, foils their plans to build a tower to heaven. Why not just tell them it isn't possible to build a tower that tall because heaven doesn't exist?
In Chapter 12, God tells Abram it's time to leave his father's land. He will be greatly blessed and have a great nation. Well all right then. Let's do this thing. With that, Abram and Sarai hit the road. When they reach Canaan, they build an altar and God promises Abram his descendants will inherit this land.
Abram and Sarai head to Egypt where there is a horrible famine. Things get seriously fucked up at this point. Abram tells Sarai that she is so beautiful the Egyptians will kill him if they think that she is his wife, so he will pass her off as his sister. What? Pharaoh is smitten and starts getting it on with Sarai. Because Abram is her "brother" he is taken care of by Pharoah's folks. He is provided with servants (again, slavery presented as a ho-hum no big deal) and animals including she asses and camels. All is well until God gets involved. He is pretty pissed at Pharaoh for sleeping with Abram's wife and plagues him and his house with some sort of horrible illness. Now, if this is somehow the appropriate penalty, why not punish Abram for lying about Sarai instead of afflicting Pharaoh for what he didn't know?
Pharaoh confronts Abram about his lies and shoos them out of Egypt.
Seriously, what in the hell kind of story is this?
10/10/11 EDIT: Today I realized I missed something significant in Ch. 11: the Tower of Babel, which is a pretty enduring image from the bible, so I'm breaking some blog rule and editing an old post. You know, I have wrestled with getting into too much detail in these posts because I don't want them to go on ad nauseam, but then when I try to be concise I miss something. Also, this book is effing boring at times.
OK, so... everyone on earth speaks the same language, which is really handy for building a tower to heaven. Makes it easier to assign roles and such. When God gets wind of this, he makes it so that people no longer speak one common language. And wa-la, foils their plans to build a tower to heaven. Why not just tell them it isn't possible to build a tower that tall because heaven doesn't exist?
In Chapter 12, God tells Abram it's time to leave his father's land. He will be greatly blessed and have a great nation. Well all right then. Let's do this thing. With that, Abram and Sarai hit the road. When they reach Canaan, they build an altar and God promises Abram his descendants will inherit this land.
Abram and Sarai head to Egypt where there is a horrible famine. Things get seriously fucked up at this point. Abram tells Sarai that she is so beautiful the Egyptians will kill him if they think that she is his wife, so he will pass her off as his sister. What? Pharaoh is smitten and starts getting it on with Sarai. Because Abram is her "brother" he is taken care of by Pharoah's folks. He is provided with servants (again, slavery presented as a ho-hum no big deal) and animals including she asses and camels. All is well until God gets involved. He is pretty pissed at Pharaoh for sleeping with Abram's wife and plagues him and his house with some sort of horrible illness. Now, if this is somehow the appropriate penalty, why not punish Abram for lying about Sarai instead of afflicting Pharaoh for what he didn't know?
Pharaoh confronts Abram about his lies and shoos them out of Egypt.
Seriously, what in the hell kind of story is this?
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