Sarah dies at the age of 123 and Abraham finds a place to bury her. This takes 20 verses, and you should thank me for not going into more detail.
Abraham summons an old favorite slave: "put thy hand under my thigh." I did a little reading about this and apparently it means, come over here and cup my balls. Abraham explains he doesn't want Isaac to marry someone from Canaan (where they live). The slave takes ten camels and heads to the home land of Mesopotamia where he finds Rebekah and knows she is the one. She and her family are quite hospitable to him and the camels, and he in turns gives them jewelry and explains he's there to find a wife for Isaac. Her family happily sends her on her way to become the "mother of thousands of millions."
It's love at first site for Isaac and Rebekah who immediately make a little lovin'... a little turtle dovin' on the Mason-Dixon line. This makes Isaac less broken hearted about Sarah's death, which is good because they're lying in her bed.
Showing posts with label Sarah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sarah. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Genesis 20-21
We return to the journey of Abraham and Sarah. He revives his old gag of passing off his wife as his sister. This time King Abimelech of Gerar takes a turn at the wheel. God again gets pissed at the wrong guy. He appears to Abimelech in a dream: "thou are but a dead man." Abimelech points out he didn't know Sarah is Abraham's wife and God eases up on the dead man talk but demands Sarah be returned to her husband. Because she is not property, right? Why no. Because Abraham is a prophet. He's so special that if he lies to you, it's your fault.
Abimelech confronts Abraham, who blames the people of Gerar. Obviously they would have killed him to get to his luscious 100 year old wife, who apparently has no say in who is banging her. So he had to say she is his sister. He then reveals this little nugget: Abraham and Sarah have the same dad. That's right. His wife IS his sister. WTF.
Abimelech makes it up to Abraham (he owed him, wouldn't you say?) with the return of Sarah and a gift of silver, sheep, oxen and plenty of slaves. He tells Abraham to live wherever he wants in Gerar. Abraham finds this satisfactory, and God heals Abimelech, his wife and slaves. Turns out when he heard about Abimelech screwing Sarah, he "closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech." That's right. Sterilized them all.
Sarah gives birth to Isaac, the son long promised by God, and Abraham circumcises him. How can Isaac be part of the covenant if his penis doesn't look just like God likes it? Sarah is very merry now that she can "give children suck." The day Isaac stops sucking, Abraham prepares a great feast. Yahoo! No more nursing bras!
Sarah has had enough of Hagar and tells Abraham to throw her and Ishmael out. Abraham is sad, but if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. So he gives Hagar a loaf of bread and a bit of water, and tells her to get the hell out. Recall Ishmael was 13 when he was circumcised. Now he is small enough for Hagar to carry. How does that work? It doesn't take long for the two to find themselves totally screwed, alone in the desert. God intervenes and provides water, saving them from certain death. Ishmael grows up, and his mom finds him a nice Egyptian wife.
Abimelech and Abraham form a covenant where Abraham promises not to be a lying douche again. Abraham gives the gift of some animals but puts seven ewes off to the side, which apparently is supposed to mean something to me. "And Abraham sojourned in the Philistines' land many days." Uh... ok. The end of this chapter (verses 25-34) was lost on me. Hope this isn't the key to the whole book. I'm just going to plow ahead, or I'll never get through this thing.
Abimelech confronts Abraham, who blames the people of Gerar. Obviously they would have killed him to get to his luscious 100 year old wife, who apparently has no say in who is banging her. So he had to say she is his sister. He then reveals this little nugget: Abraham and Sarah have the same dad. That's right. His wife IS his sister. WTF.
Abimelech makes it up to Abraham (he owed him, wouldn't you say?) with the return of Sarah and a gift of silver, sheep, oxen and plenty of slaves. He tells Abraham to live wherever he wants in Gerar. Abraham finds this satisfactory, and God heals Abimelech, his wife and slaves. Turns out when he heard about Abimelech screwing Sarah, he "closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech." That's right. Sterilized them all.
Sarah gives birth to Isaac, the son long promised by God, and Abraham circumcises him. How can Isaac be part of the covenant if his penis doesn't look just like God likes it? Sarah is very merry now that she can "give children suck." The day Isaac stops sucking, Abraham prepares a great feast. Yahoo! No more nursing bras!
Sarah has had enough of Hagar and tells Abraham to throw her and Ishmael out. Abraham is sad, but if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. So he gives Hagar a loaf of bread and a bit of water, and tells her to get the hell out. Recall Ishmael was 13 when he was circumcised. Now he is small enough for Hagar to carry. How does that work? It doesn't take long for the two to find themselves totally screwed, alone in the desert. God intervenes and provides water, saving them from certain death. Ishmael grows up, and his mom finds him a nice Egyptian wife.
Abimelech and Abraham form a covenant where Abraham promises not to be a lying douche again. Abraham gives the gift of some animals but puts seven ewes off to the side, which apparently is supposed to mean something to me. "And Abraham sojourned in the Philistines' land many days." Uh... ok. The end of this chapter (verses 25-34) was lost on me. Hope this isn't the key to the whole book. I'm just going to plow ahead, or I'll never get through this thing.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Genesis 16-18
Sarai and Abram have been in Canaan for 10 years when they have a little chat about their infertility. Sarai tells Abram he should sleep with her Egyptian slave Hagar, thinking she may have children by Hagar if she can't have one on her own. She gives Hagar to Abram "to be his wife." Hagar of course has no say in the situation. Abram and Hagar go at it, and she gets knocked up. Sarai is upset about this, even though she is the one who suggested it in the first place. Abram reminds her that she has power over her servant and can do to her as she pleases. Sarai then beats the crap out of Hagar who flees.
An angel of the Lord tracks Hagar down and tells her to return to her mistress Sarai and submit to her. The angel says it's ok Hagar, you'll have a son Ishmael, many descendants, and things will be great, you'll see. Slavery is treated neutrally. Also note that the oppressed is told her reward will come later. Good tactic that keeps the little people in their place.
When Abram is 86 years old, Ishmael is born.
Thirteen years later, God shows up again and says Abram and Sarai are now Abraham and Sarah. OK then. Abraham learns he'll be the father of multitudes of nations and kings. God says Ishmael will be blessed, and Sarah, 90 years old by this point, will have a son Isaac who will be very, very blessed. The token of this covenant is... that's right, circumcision. Lop off your foreskins, please. Abraham takes his son and slaves and circumcises them all. Circumcises himself too. WTF. Ever hear of sealing a deal with a handshake?
God appears to Abraham yet again as Abraham sits at the entrance of his tent. Three men are traveling by and Abraham gives them food and water. Very hospitable. I don't know if these fellows are angels or in cahoots with God or what, but one of the men says Sarah will have a son within the year. She is listening from the tent and laughs in disbelief. Did I mention she's 90 years old? God asks Sarah why she is laughing. "Is there anything too hard for the Lord?" Instead of saying, listen I am a 90 year old woman, she denies laughing. Obviously you don't want to be too logical where God is concerned. So how did she know he was God? Was he visible? Did she just hear a voice? I don't get it.
Abraham walks with the three men as they head out of town toward Sodom, which reminds God of what a wicked place Sodom is. The people there sin all the time and God is ready to smote them all. Abraham doesn't want that to happen - his nephew Lot lives there. He makes a deal with God that if 10 righteous people can be found in Sodom, God will spare the city. What a guy.
An angel of the Lord tracks Hagar down and tells her to return to her mistress Sarai and submit to her. The angel says it's ok Hagar, you'll have a son Ishmael, many descendants, and things will be great, you'll see. Slavery is treated neutrally. Also note that the oppressed is told her reward will come later. Good tactic that keeps the little people in their place.
When Abram is 86 years old, Ishmael is born.
Thirteen years later, God shows up again and says Abram and Sarai are now Abraham and Sarah. OK then. Abraham learns he'll be the father of multitudes of nations and kings. God says Ishmael will be blessed, and Sarah, 90 years old by this point, will have a son Isaac who will be very, very blessed. The token of this covenant is... that's right, circumcision. Lop off your foreskins, please. Abraham takes his son and slaves and circumcises them all. Circumcises himself too. WTF. Ever hear of sealing a deal with a handshake?
God appears to Abraham yet again as Abraham sits at the entrance of his tent. Three men are traveling by and Abraham gives them food and water. Very hospitable. I don't know if these fellows are angels or in cahoots with God or what, but one of the men says Sarah will have a son within the year. She is listening from the tent and laughs in disbelief. Did I mention she's 90 years old? God asks Sarah why she is laughing. "Is there anything too hard for the Lord?" Instead of saying, listen I am a 90 year old woman, she denies laughing. Obviously you don't want to be too logical where God is concerned. So how did she know he was God? Was he visible? Did she just hear a voice? I don't get it.
Abraham walks with the three men as they head out of town toward Sodom, which reminds God of what a wicked place Sodom is. The people there sin all the time and God is ready to smote them all. Abraham doesn't want that to happen - his nephew Lot lives there. He makes a deal with God that if 10 righteous people can be found in Sodom, God will spare the city. What a guy.
Genesis 13-15
In Chapter 13, Abram, Sarai and Lot do some traveling around the Bethel and Hai region. Abram's herdsmen and Lot's herdsmen do not get along, so the two men decide the world's a big place, let's spread out a bit. Lot heads to Jordan because it is beautiful and green. It is also where the wicked sinners of Sodom live. And Abram goes to Canaan. The Lord talks to Abram, assuring him he and his descendants will be very blessed. Abram builds a temple.
Chapter 14 rattles off a long list of kings. There is a war and Sodom and Gomorrah are ransacked. Lot loses all of his possessions and is captured. When Abram hears about his nephew Lot, he puts together an army of his slaves and recaptures all the lost goods. The kings of Sodom and Salem thank Abram and offer food and whatnot as a reward, but Abram refuses.
God talks to Abram again in Chapter 15. Abram takes this opportunity to bring up, hey you said we'd be fruitful but we are STILL childless. He then slaughters a heifer, a goat and a ram as an offering to God. Always a good choice. God promises Abram he will have lots of descendants.
Chapter 14 rattles off a long list of kings. There is a war and Sodom and Gomorrah are ransacked. Lot loses all of his possessions and is captured. When Abram hears about his nephew Lot, he puts together an army of his slaves and recaptures all the lost goods. The kings of Sodom and Salem thank Abram and offer food and whatnot as a reward, but Abram refuses.
God talks to Abram again in Chapter 15. Abram takes this opportunity to bring up, hey you said we'd be fruitful but we are STILL childless. He then slaughters a heifer, a goat and a ram as an offering to God. Always a good choice. God promises Abram he will have lots of descendants.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Genesis 10-12
A whole lot of begatting is going on in Genesis Chapter 10 with the descendants of Noah. Joktan begat Almomad and Sheleph, and on and on. Chapter 11 is more of the same. We meet Abram and Sarai whom we follow for a few chapters. They are married but childless.
10/10/11 EDIT: Today I realized I missed something significant in Ch. 11: the Tower of Babel, which is a pretty enduring image from the bible, so I'm breaking some blog rule and editing an old post. You know, I have wrestled with getting into too much detail in these posts because I don't want them to go on ad nauseam, but then when I try to be concise I miss something. Also, this book is effing boring at times.
OK, so... everyone on earth speaks the same language, which is really handy for building a tower to heaven. Makes it easier to assign roles and such. When God gets wind of this, he makes it so that people no longer speak one common language. And wa-la, foils their plans to build a tower to heaven. Why not just tell them it isn't possible to build a tower that tall because heaven doesn't exist?
In Chapter 12, God tells Abram it's time to leave his father's land. He will be greatly blessed and have a great nation. Well all right then. Let's do this thing. With that, Abram and Sarai hit the road. When they reach Canaan, they build an altar and God promises Abram his descendants will inherit this land.
Abram and Sarai head to Egypt where there is a horrible famine. Things get seriously fucked up at this point. Abram tells Sarai that she is so beautiful the Egyptians will kill him if they think that she is his wife, so he will pass her off as his sister. What? Pharaoh is smitten and starts getting it on with Sarai. Because Abram is her "brother" he is taken care of by Pharoah's folks. He is provided with servants (again, slavery presented as a ho-hum no big deal) and animals including she asses and camels. All is well until God gets involved. He is pretty pissed at Pharaoh for sleeping with Abram's wife and plagues him and his house with some sort of horrible illness. Now, if this is somehow the appropriate penalty, why not punish Abram for lying about Sarai instead of afflicting Pharaoh for what he didn't know?
Pharaoh confronts Abram about his lies and shoos them out of Egypt.
Seriously, what in the hell kind of story is this?
10/10/11 EDIT: Today I realized I missed something significant in Ch. 11: the Tower of Babel, which is a pretty enduring image from the bible, so I'm breaking some blog rule and editing an old post. You know, I have wrestled with getting into too much detail in these posts because I don't want them to go on ad nauseam, but then when I try to be concise I miss something. Also, this book is effing boring at times.
OK, so... everyone on earth speaks the same language, which is really handy for building a tower to heaven. Makes it easier to assign roles and such. When God gets wind of this, he makes it so that people no longer speak one common language. And wa-la, foils their plans to build a tower to heaven. Why not just tell them it isn't possible to build a tower that tall because heaven doesn't exist?
In Chapter 12, God tells Abram it's time to leave his father's land. He will be greatly blessed and have a great nation. Well all right then. Let's do this thing. With that, Abram and Sarai hit the road. When they reach Canaan, they build an altar and God promises Abram his descendants will inherit this land.
Abram and Sarai head to Egypt where there is a horrible famine. Things get seriously fucked up at this point. Abram tells Sarai that she is so beautiful the Egyptians will kill him if they think that she is his wife, so he will pass her off as his sister. What? Pharaoh is smitten and starts getting it on with Sarai. Because Abram is her "brother" he is taken care of by Pharoah's folks. He is provided with servants (again, slavery presented as a ho-hum no big deal) and animals including she asses and camels. All is well until God gets involved. He is pretty pissed at Pharaoh for sleeping with Abram's wife and plagues him and his house with some sort of horrible illness. Now, if this is somehow the appropriate penalty, why not punish Abram for lying about Sarai instead of afflicting Pharaoh for what he didn't know?
Pharaoh confronts Abram about his lies and shoos them out of Egypt.
Seriously, what in the hell kind of story is this?
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