It's like father, like son with Abraham and Isaac. Both lived through famines in their younger days and both go to Gerar and pass off their wives as their sisters. WTF is that about? King Abimelech figures out Isaac is a liar before he sleeps with Rebekah and warns his people if anyone toucheth either of these freaks, they'll be put to death.
Isaac sets up shop in Gerar with his many crops, animals and slaves. He is very successful while his neighbors aren't, but hey he is blessed and they aren't. Too bad, so sad. The king eventually asks Isaac to move along, and he heads to the valley. Isaac names the many wells his slaves dig. It helps him pass the time. One night God appears to him in a dream, and in the morning Isaac builds an altar and has the slaves dig another well. OK then.
We end Chapter 26 with Esau's marriages to two Canaanite women, which his parents aren't wild about (I think because they don't have an acceptable heritage).
As Isaac lay nearly blind and dying, he asks Esau to kill something for him to eat and he'll give him a blessing before he kicks off. Rebekah and Jacob conspire so he can get the blessing instead. You already duped Esau out of his birth right, jerk. Isn't that enough? Rebekah puts some goat hide on Jacob so he will be nice and hairy, and the old man thinks he has blessed his favorite son.
Esau arrives home to find what his lying jerk of a brother has done. He begs his father for a blessing, but apparently he can only give one. He says Esau will live far from the fertile land and dew of heaven. He will live by the sword and serve his brother. So not only is he not blessed, his life is going to suck. Esau is raving mad, and Rebekah tells Jacob he better get out of there before his brother kills him. She also wants him to find a wife from another land. These girls from Heth are no good.
Showing posts with label Rebekah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rebekah. Show all posts
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Genesis 25
No kinky sex in Chapter 25, just garden variety slavery, infertility and impossibly old people. Ho hum.
Abraham marries Keturah and the babies show up in droves, but Abraham gives everything he has to Isaac. That sucks for everyone else. He also has children with the sister wife concubines. He gives them gifts, then shoos them out of the house. Abraham "gives up the ghost" after 350 years, and he is buried with Sarah.
Ishmael, Abraham's son with the slave Hagar, has a bunch of kids, 12 of whom are princes. He "gives up the ghost" at the tender age of 137.
Isaac marries, and wouldn't you know it, Rebekah is barren. When Isaac talks to God about it, she gets pregnant. It's a rough pregnancy which God explains like so: "Two nations [are] in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and [the one] people shall be stronger than [the other] people; and the elder shall serve the younger."
Rebekah gives birth to twin boys. Esau, the firstborn, is red like a hairy garment (what?), outdoorsy, and favored by his father. Jacob is a "plain man" and mommy's boy. He's also kind of a dick who tricks the more dim-witted Esau. One day Esau comes in from the field so famished that he stupidly trades his birthright for a bowl of Jacob's lentil soup. I guess it doesn't much matter as God has already announced the elder is predestined to serve the younger.
Abraham marries Keturah and the babies show up in droves, but Abraham gives everything he has to Isaac. That sucks for everyone else. He also has children with the sister wife concubines. He gives them gifts, then shoos them out of the house. Abraham "gives up the ghost" after 350 years, and he is buried with Sarah.
Ishmael, Abraham's son with the slave Hagar, has a bunch of kids, 12 of whom are princes. He "gives up the ghost" at the tender age of 137.
Isaac marries, and wouldn't you know it, Rebekah is barren. When Isaac talks to God about it, she gets pregnant. It's a rough pregnancy which God explains like so: "Two nations [are] in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and [the one] people shall be stronger than [the other] people; and the elder shall serve the younger."
Rebekah gives birth to twin boys. Esau, the firstborn, is red like a hairy garment (what?), outdoorsy, and favored by his father. Jacob is a "plain man" and mommy's boy. He's also kind of a dick who tricks the more dim-witted Esau. One day Esau comes in from the field so famished that he stupidly trades his birthright for a bowl of Jacob's lentil soup. I guess it doesn't much matter as God has already announced the elder is predestined to serve the younger.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Genesis 23-24
Sarah dies at the age of 123 and Abraham finds a place to bury her. This takes 20 verses, and you should thank me for not going into more detail.
Abraham summons an old favorite slave: "put thy hand under my thigh." I did a little reading about this and apparently it means, come over here and cup my balls. Abraham explains he doesn't want Isaac to marry someone from Canaan (where they live). The slave takes ten camels and heads to the home land of Mesopotamia where he finds Rebekah and knows she is the one. She and her family are quite hospitable to him and the camels, and he in turns gives them jewelry and explains he's there to find a wife for Isaac. Her family happily sends her on her way to become the "mother of thousands of millions."
It's love at first site for Isaac and Rebekah who immediately make a little lovin'... a little turtle dovin' on the Mason-Dixon line. This makes Isaac less broken hearted about Sarah's death, which is good because they're lying in her bed.
Abraham summons an old favorite slave: "put thy hand under my thigh." I did a little reading about this and apparently it means, come over here and cup my balls. Abraham explains he doesn't want Isaac to marry someone from Canaan (where they live). The slave takes ten camels and heads to the home land of Mesopotamia where he finds Rebekah and knows she is the one. She and her family are quite hospitable to him and the camels, and he in turns gives them jewelry and explains he's there to find a wife for Isaac. Her family happily sends her on her way to become the "mother of thousands of millions."
It's love at first site for Isaac and Rebekah who immediately make a little lovin'... a little turtle dovin' on the Mason-Dixon line. This makes Isaac less broken hearted about Sarah's death, which is good because they're lying in her bed.
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