Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Numbers 24-26

In Chapter 24, Balak gets fussy with Balaam about not cursing the Israelites but Balaam cannot go against God's wishes. Balaam says these Hebrews are special and great things are in store for them in the smiting department. "There shall come a Star out of Jacob, and a Sceptre shall rise out of Israel, and shall smite the corners of Moab."

The Hebrews reach Shittim in Chapter 25 and immediately begin whoring with the Moabites. Not the deuce I'd expect to drop in Shittim, but goddammit those Moabites are sexy. Sacrifices are made to other gods, and the real God gets super pissed. Heads are going to roll and pronto.

To make God happy, Phinehas sends a javelin through a Moabite woman's belly straight through her Israeli lover. God then kills 24,000 people via the plague method and makes a convenant of peace with Phinehas for his excellent two-in-one murder. God tells Moses he'd like all Midianites dead. Apparently God has forgotten that Moses' wife is a Midianite. Whoopsie.

Chapter 26 brings us more counting, hooray! A census reveals there are 600,000 fighting men and 23,000 Levites. Caleb and Joshua are not included in the headcount.

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