Numbers 6-8

And the Lord spake unto Moses in Chapter 6, explaining how to become a Nazarite. Judging by other bible translations, it looks like this is a clergy person. You take an oath to keep yourself separate and give yourself to the Lord. Par-tay. To be a good Nazarite, it's crucial that you grow out your hair. Drinking wine is prohibited. In fact, all varieties of grapes (moist and dried) must be avoided at all times. Stay away from dead bodies while you're at it. There is one potential snag. Say you go through the steps to become a Nazarite and then someone drops dead next to you, touching your hair on the way to the ground. Then you have to shave your head and start over. Take two turtles or two young pigeons to a priest, one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. God would like some unleavened bread, oil and a drink offering at this time. Pizza Rolls would be a good choice too.

In Chapter 7, the leader of each tribe presents an offering before the Lord. This goes on for 89 verses and I considered flinging myself out the window rather than read it. I split the difference and just skimmed it. The sons of Gershon give two wagons and four oxen. God needs those. The sons of Helon, Shedeur, Zurishaddai, Huey, Dewey and Luey each take a turn. There are spoons of gold, shekels of this and that, one year old lambs, goats, silver chargers (huh?), gold, incense and more. Everyone piles their gifts on the altar in the tabernacle for a dedication.

God spake unto Moses some more in Chapter 8, this time focusing on the Levites. First, Aaron lights the lamps. The candlesticks are to be made of beaten gold, unto the shaft thereof. Now that's my kind of candlestick. The Levites clean themselves by sprinkling water, washing their clothes and shaving every inch of their bodies. The next thing you want to do when you're good and clean is slaughter some bullocks to make an atonement for your sins. The Levites will serve the Lord in the tabernacle and in return for this wonderful honor, God will take all their firstborn. It's a fond reminder for God of the time he smote all the firstborn of Egypt. I don't think he's going to kill the Levite firstborn; it seems he just wants to own them. And who could blame him really?

Get excited because in Chapter 9 we are finally, finally going to get the F out of Sinai.