As the Israelites reach Canaan, we finish the Book of Numbers. There is a God!
The gang arrives in Gilead in Numbers 32. Reuben and Gad are quite taken with the place. It's just perfect for their cattle. Moses grants them permission to settle there if they promise to help slaughter the Canaanites. It's all hands on deck when you've got serious murdering to do. Moses then threatens the wrath of God if Reuben and Gad don't follow through.
Numbers 33 is a recap. You don't know literary torture until you've had to read a bible-style recap.
And the Lord spake unto Moses in Numbers 34, describing Canaan's borders. Eleazar the priest and Joshua the son of Nun are named the leaders who will divide and assign the land.
Numbers 35 gives us some handy guidelines regarding murder. If you purposefully kill someone, say by striking them with an instrument of iron, the punishment is death. If you accidentally kill someone, you are to go to a city of refuge. When the high priest dies, you are free to go. Also, bloodshed pollutes the land. So give a hoot and don't pollute.
If a woman inherits land or money (if there are no male heirs), Numbers 36 instructs that she must marry within her tribe. The gals find this very fair and commence marrying their cousins.
Showing posts with label Joshua. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joshua. Show all posts
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Numbers 27-31
I needed a little break from the bible, and I do apologize for my absence. I've crossed paths with the good book a couple times this week, and I know in my heart it's the Lord calling me back to him. Just today I read this nugget on Facebook: "Many scriptures of the old testament says the Lord revenged, in truth the Lord avenges His people out of love from the enemy!" He does work in mysterious ways, folks.
And now, on with our story.
Numbers 27 talks about how property is passed on when a man with no male heirs dies. In these sad and unfortunate circumstances, the daughters can receive the inheritance. Zelophehad's daughters score some land as a result. God lets Moses know his life is almost over, and Moses selects Joshua as his successor. It's been a good ride, old man, but get your affairs in order.
We learn more rules and rituals in Numbers 28-29. There's Passover and the Feast of Weeks. There's offerings on the Sabbath, the first of the month and every morning and night. God does enjoy a sweet savour, maybe a lamb mingled with an hin of oil. God also requests trumpets on the first day of the seventh month. An atonement on the tenth day would be good. And one goat for a sin offering; beside the continual burnt offering, his meat offering, and his drink offering. This is all very straight forward.
Numbers 30 provides some good, old fashioned patriarchy. When a man makes a vow, he must not break it. But when a woman makes a vow, her husband or father can overrule her and forbid it. I mean, she's a woman. It's not like she has her own brain.
God is good and pissed off again in Numbers 31, which means some Midianites need murdered and pronto. All the adult males they can find including Balaam are slaughtered. This is particularly rude since Balaam could have used his magical powers to curse the Hebrews just a few short chapters ago.
The chosen people also steal all the goods and burn some cities. And the booty, being the rest of the prey which the men of war had caught, was six hundred thousand and seventy thousand and five thousand sheep. And threescore and twelve thousand beeves. And threescore and one thousand asses. And thirty and two thousand persons in all, of women that had not known man by lying with him. I guess the non-virgin gals were murdered too. And how is it that they determined whether a lady they were about to abduct was a virgin or not? I'll leave you with that thought.
And now, on with our story.
Numbers 27 talks about how property is passed on when a man with no male heirs dies. In these sad and unfortunate circumstances, the daughters can receive the inheritance. Zelophehad's daughters score some land as a result. God lets Moses know his life is almost over, and Moses selects Joshua as his successor. It's been a good ride, old man, but get your affairs in order.
We learn more rules and rituals in Numbers 28-29. There's Passover and the Feast of Weeks. There's offerings on the Sabbath, the first of the month and every morning and night. God does enjoy a sweet savour, maybe a lamb mingled with an hin of oil. God also requests trumpets on the first day of the seventh month. An atonement on the tenth day would be good. And one goat for a sin offering; beside the continual burnt offering, his meat offering, and his drink offering. This is all very straight forward.
Numbers 30 provides some good, old fashioned patriarchy. When a man makes a vow, he must not break it. But when a woman makes a vow, her husband or father can overrule her and forbid it. I mean, she's a woman. It's not like she has her own brain.
God is good and pissed off again in Numbers 31, which means some Midianites need murdered and pronto. All the adult males they can find including Balaam are slaughtered. This is particularly rude since Balaam could have used his magical powers to curse the Hebrews just a few short chapters ago.
The chosen people also steal all the goods and burn some cities. And the booty, being the rest of the prey which the men of war had caught, was six hundred thousand and seventy thousand and five thousand sheep. And threescore and twelve thousand beeves. And threescore and one thousand asses. And thirty and two thousand persons in all, of women that had not known man by lying with him. I guess the non-virgin gals were murdered too. And how is it that they determined whether a lady they were about to abduct was a virgin or not? I'll leave you with that thought.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Numbers 13-14
In Chapter 13, we f-i-n-a-l-l-y reach Canaan. Moses sends a representative from each tribe to "spy out" Canaan. They spend (wait for it) 40 days and 40 nights checking things out. They report that Canaan is indeed the land of milk and honey, but they're fearful of being overpowered by the super sized Canaanites. Caleb thinks they should bust on in and take over, but the rest of the Hebrew spies feel like grasshoppers next to those giants. With crazy biblical names like Issachar, Ephraim and Zebulun, it's funny to see an overly popular name like Caleb. I wonder if Caleb ever has a playdate with Tucker, Parker, Jayden, Aidan or Brayden. Maybe McKenna and Kaylee can join them if it is not their unclean time of the month or they're not busy being stoned to death.
The Hebrews continue complaining in Chapter 14. They go so far as pondering a return to Egypt, where they were slaves... because that's going to be so much better. Morons! When Moses and Aaron get wind of this, they fall flat on their faces in frustration (I am not making this up). Caleb and Joshua address the crowd. How could everyone hear? There's well over a million people, maybe two. Anyway, they remind everyone they have God on their side and the Canaanites don't. The congregation is not convinced and calls for Caleb and Joshua to be stoned to death with stones (in case you're wondering how it's done). At this point, God flies off the handle. He has had enough of these doubters and complainers. He says, "I will smite them with the pestilence, and disinherit them, and will make of thee a greater nation and mightier than they." That's right, God says he'll kill the chosen people and come up with better ones. You didn't hear stories like this in Sunday school, now did you?
Moses asks how this will look to folks with other gods, like those stupid Egyptians, if God smotes all his people because he is unable to get them into the promised land. You've got to think about your street cred, God! Moses also reminds him that he is merciful (since when?), and he basically talks God down... because an all-knowing, loving God would need talked down. Caleb and Joshua earn special favor for their willingness to conquer Canaan but everyone else gets, you guessed it, 40 more years in the wilderness. "And your children shall wander in the wilderness forty years, and bear your whoredoms, until your carcases be wasted in the wilderness." I do hate bearing someone's whoredoms. For good measure, God afflicts a handful of them with a horrible plague and kills them. Are you listening, Hebrews? God will straight up murder your ass, so STFU already!
Then the Amalekites came down, and the Canaanites which dwelt in that hill, and smote them, and discomfited them, even unto Hormah. I'm stating the obvious here.
The Hebrews continue complaining in Chapter 14. They go so far as pondering a return to Egypt, where they were slaves... because that's going to be so much better. Morons! When Moses and Aaron get wind of this, they fall flat on their faces in frustration (I am not making this up). Caleb and Joshua address the crowd. How could everyone hear? There's well over a million people, maybe two. Anyway, they remind everyone they have God on their side and the Canaanites don't. The congregation is not convinced and calls for Caleb and Joshua to be stoned to death with stones (in case you're wondering how it's done). At this point, God flies off the handle. He has had enough of these doubters and complainers. He says, "I will smite them with the pestilence, and disinherit them, and will make of thee a greater nation and mightier than they." That's right, God says he'll kill the chosen people and come up with better ones. You didn't hear stories like this in Sunday school, now did you?
Moses asks how this will look to folks with other gods, like those stupid Egyptians, if God smotes all his people because he is unable to get them into the promised land. You've got to think about your street cred, God! Moses also reminds him that he is merciful (since when?), and he basically talks God down... because an all-knowing, loving God would need talked down. Caleb and Joshua earn special favor for their willingness to conquer Canaan but everyone else gets, you guessed it, 40 more years in the wilderness. "And your children shall wander in the wilderness forty years, and bear your whoredoms, until your carcases be wasted in the wilderness." I do hate bearing someone's whoredoms. For good measure, God afflicts a handful of them with a horrible plague and kills them. Are you listening, Hebrews? God will straight up murder your ass, so STFU already!
Then the Amalekites came down, and the Canaanites which dwelt in that hill, and smote them, and discomfited them, even unto Hormah. I'm stating the obvious here.
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