Jacob reaches Canaan. Fearing Esau's reaction, he sends his slaves and their kids first, then Leah (the wife he doesn't love) and her kids, then Rachel and her kids. So if there's any trouble, people can be slaughtered in the order most suitable to Jacob, I suppose.
And then the first heartwarming thing I've read so far happens. Esau embraces his brother. Just like that. Fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept. Esau had grounds to be a real monster to Jacob, and yet he forgives. He tells Jacob the gift of livestock is not necessary, but Jacob insists that he keep them. They part on good terms. Jacob travels through a few places, buys some land and names the place Elelohe-Israel. Again with the naming of places. I don't get this at all.
Leah's daughter Dinah catches the eye of Shechem, son of the local prince. "He took her, and lay with her, and defiled her." That makes him sound like a total rapist but the next verse indicates he fell in love with her. I don't know what Dinah thinks of the situation. As a woman, she gets no opinion. Dinah's brothers Simeon and Levi get wind of this and they are very wroth, even though Shechem apparently has fallen for the gal. His soul clave unto her.
Shechem and his father pledge to pay any dowry for Dinah's hand in marriage. The brothers say we sure would like for you to marry our sister but look at that uncircumcised penis. We can't have that. In fact, everyone around here looks to have a foreskin. So the prince returns to his town and, you guessed it, it's circumcision for everyone! That must have been quite a party. Ah, but Simeon and Levi have played a little joke on Shechem. They remain very wroth. They take their swords and kill Shechem, his father AND all the local men. They steal all their wealth, all their livestock, all their children, and all their wives. Jacob is worried this will make him look bad.
God tells Jacob this would be a good time to get out of Dodge. How about you make a nice altar for me in Bethel? Jacob, recognizing this is a small price to pay for escaping the outright murder of who knows how many people, gathers the household and hits the road. He asks everyone to give up their "strange gods" and earrings first. Obviously you'd want to leave those behind. As they travel, the terror of God is put upon all the neighboring towns so no one will mess with them. Yes they are murdering thugs, but they're the chosen people, the descendants of Abraham.
They build the requested altar in Bethel which pleases God very much. He says from now on Jacob will be called Israel, the same name the hot man love wrestler gave him (so I guess that guy was an angel?). God says, "kings shall come out of thy loins." Again, what have these people done to deserve such favor? Massacred innocent people? Stole and tricked and lied at every turn?
Rachel dies in childbirth. Her parting words to Jacob are she'd like the baby to be named Benoni. Jacob promptly names him Benjamin. Hey, she's dead, she won't know the difference. And Jacob, if you didn't know, is the best!
Isaac reappears out of nowhere and "gives up the ghost" (love this phrase) after 180 years.
Chapter 36 is unbearable and I would rather take a beating than read it. It lists all the generations of Esau. Forty one verses of crap like this: "And Husham died, and Hadad the son of Bedad, who smote Midian in the field of Moab, reigned in his stead: and the name of his city [was] Avith."
Showing posts with label Rachel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rachel. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
Genesis 28-31
Isaac wants Jacob to marry someone worthy (one of their own kind) and sends him to take thee a wife from Rebekah's brother Laban's clan. Esau overhears and realizes his Canaanite wives are second rate so he takes a third wife, this one Ishmael's daughter a.k.a. his cousin.
Jacob dreams of angels walking up and down a ladder and of course God makes an appearance. And big shock, God says Jacob and descendants will be very blessed. What makes Abraham's descendants so special, other than the lack of foreskin? I must have missed something. And if such things are predestined, what does behavior matter? As we've seen by now, Jacob can be a major league asshole, so I guess it doesn't matter. And why does God show up in dreams?
Jacob wakes up and proclaims surely the presence of the Lord is in this place. I can feel his mighty power and his grace. I can hear the brush of angels' wings. I see glory on each face. Sing it with me! He names the place Bethel and seals the deal by setting a rock on a pillar and pouring oil on it. I guess he had to make do with what he had. He says if God will feed, clothe and protect him, then the Lord shall be his God AND Bethel shall be God's house. Pretty sweet deal for God.
Jacob meets his Laban and falls in love with Laban's daughter Rachel. He agrees to work for Laban for seven years if he can marry Rachel. That's love. Or maybe Laban is a manipulative bastard. Turns out it's both. On the wedding night, Laban uses the cover of darkness to pull the old bait-and-switch and sends his daughter Leah into the tent.
Jacob goes in unto Leah and in the morning realizes he nailed the wrong cousin. He is pretty pissed, although he's getting a taste of his own medicine with this lying trickery. Laban is unapologetic. He wanted the elder daughter married off first. But great news - work another seven years and THEN Rachel will be his. Fourteen years isn't that much for these folks who live hundreds of years. After seven years, he goes in unto Rachel, making Leah and Rachel for reals sister wives.
Jacob doesn't love Leah (she's tender eyed after all, and who wants that?), so God makes her fertile and Rachel barren. Makes sense. Leah starts cranking them out. All sons of course. Desperate for children, Rachel gives her handmaid (slave) to Jacob. He goes in unto her and she delivers a few sons. Meanwhile, Leah's uterus has run out of gas, but she is not giving Rachel the last word on this babymaking business. Leah gives HER slave to Jacob and he goes in unto her, and guess what. That's right, a couple more sons!
One of the sons finds "mandrakes" which some bible translations call "love fruit." Leah and Rachel quarrel over it. I guess Leah wins because Jacob goes in unto her and two more sons arrive. And, oops, a daughter (Dinah). God decides to open Rachel's womb for business (so the love fruit wouldn't have mattered, I guess) and she finally has a son, Joseph.
Jacob and his father in law are constantly trying to dick each other over. Jacob makes sure Laban ends up with the feeble livestock, keeping the best for himself. Laban changes Jacob's wages and pulls other dickery to cheat Jacob out of what he's owed. Jacob decides to take the brood to Canaan and sneaks out in the dead of night. On the way out, Rachel steals her dad's idols.
Laban hunts them down and demands to know why they didn't say goodbye. The best part of this whole exchange is Rachel hides the stolen idols in a camel saddle, then sits on the camel while Laban frantically searches for the goods. She lies to her dad and says she got her period and can't stand up. He buys it. Classic.
Somehow Laban and Jacob part on decent terms, forming a covenant that involves... wait for it... a sacrificed animal.
Jacob dreams of angels walking up and down a ladder and of course God makes an appearance. And big shock, God says Jacob and descendants will be very blessed. What makes Abraham's descendants so special, other than the lack of foreskin? I must have missed something. And if such things are predestined, what does behavior matter? As we've seen by now, Jacob can be a major league asshole, so I guess it doesn't matter. And why does God show up in dreams?
Jacob wakes up and proclaims surely the presence of the Lord is in this place. I can feel his mighty power and his grace. I can hear the brush of angels' wings. I see glory on each face. Sing it with me! He names the place Bethel and seals the deal by setting a rock on a pillar and pouring oil on it. I guess he had to make do with what he had. He says if God will feed, clothe and protect him, then the Lord shall be his God AND Bethel shall be God's house. Pretty sweet deal for God.
Jacob meets his Laban and falls in love with Laban's daughter Rachel. He agrees to work for Laban for seven years if he can marry Rachel. That's love. Or maybe Laban is a manipulative bastard. Turns out it's both. On the wedding night, Laban uses the cover of darkness to pull the old bait-and-switch and sends his daughter Leah into the tent.
Jacob goes in unto Leah and in the morning realizes he nailed the wrong cousin. He is pretty pissed, although he's getting a taste of his own medicine with this lying trickery. Laban is unapologetic. He wanted the elder daughter married off first. But great news - work another seven years and THEN Rachel will be his. Fourteen years isn't that much for these folks who live hundreds of years. After seven years, he goes in unto Rachel, making Leah and Rachel for reals sister wives.
Jacob doesn't love Leah (she's tender eyed after all, and who wants that?), so God makes her fertile and Rachel barren. Makes sense. Leah starts cranking them out. All sons of course. Desperate for children, Rachel gives her handmaid (slave) to Jacob. He goes in unto her and she delivers a few sons. Meanwhile, Leah's uterus has run out of gas, but she is not giving Rachel the last word on this babymaking business. Leah gives HER slave to Jacob and he goes in unto her, and guess what. That's right, a couple more sons!
One of the sons finds "mandrakes" which some bible translations call "love fruit." Leah and Rachel quarrel over it. I guess Leah wins because Jacob goes in unto her and two more sons arrive. And, oops, a daughter (Dinah). God decides to open Rachel's womb for business (so the love fruit wouldn't have mattered, I guess) and she finally has a son, Joseph.
Jacob and his father in law are constantly trying to dick each other over. Jacob makes sure Laban ends up with the feeble livestock, keeping the best for himself. Laban changes Jacob's wages and pulls other dickery to cheat Jacob out of what he's owed. Jacob decides to take the brood to Canaan and sneaks out in the dead of night. On the way out, Rachel steals her dad's idols.
Laban hunts them down and demands to know why they didn't say goodbye. The best part of this whole exchange is Rachel hides the stolen idols in a camel saddle, then sits on the camel while Laban frantically searches for the goods. She lies to her dad and says she got her period and can't stand up. He buys it. Classic.
Somehow Laban and Jacob part on decent terms, forming a covenant that involves... wait for it... a sacrificed animal.
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