Today's episode of the Inerrant Word of God includes a talking donkey.
The Israelites reach Moab (on this side of Jordan). As King Balak watches them arrive, he is understandably nervous given his neighbors' recent fate. Balak wants them smited (smote? smoten? smoted?) and driven from the land so he asks Balaam for help. Apparently Balaam is good at delivering curses. Balaam has a one-on-one with God who tells him he cannot curse the chosen people. Thou shalt go with them instead. There's some back and forth between God and Balak's people, which causes God to change course and tell Balaam to go with Balak's tribe.
Balaam saddles his ass and tags along with the princes of Moab. This makes God very wroth, even though Balaam is doing exactly what he was just told to do. God does the logical thing and blocks his path with an angel wielding a sword. Problem is, the angel is invisible to Balaam. The donkey, however, can see it and stops in the road. Balaam gets angry and beats the donkey who then starts talking.
A talking donkey.
And I'm what's wrong with America for not believing this is the inspired, perfect word of God.
Right.
The donkey wants to know why Balaam is beating the shit out of him. Fair question. The angel then makes itself visible to Balaam who apologizes profusely for the sin of not seeing an invisible angel that God put there to trick him. Clearly that's his fault.
Then Balaam and Balak journey to Kirjathhuzoth and Baal that thence he might see the utmost part of the people.
In Chapter 23, Balaam and Balak make a few more stops. Balak hopes each place is just right for Balaam to do his magic act and smite all the Israelites. God reminds Balaam not to kill the chosen people. Finally they reach Jeshimon which is the perfect spot to sacrifice seven bulls and seven rams. God loves that.
Showing posts with label talking animal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label talking animal. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Genesis 3
At some point I need to pick up the pace but these chapters are so jam packed, I can only fit one chapter per post so far.
In Chapter 3, the serpent encourages the woman to go ahead and eat from the tree of knowledge. She doesn't take much convincing. She shares with Adam, and Boom! Now they know they're naked. Fruit can do that to you. So they get to sewing aprons out of fig leaves.
God shows up to learn his new creations have disobeyed the one simple rule he gave them. Adam points the finger at Eve. She made me do it!
And now for some consequences. The serpent's punishment is to slither on its belly and eat dust. OK then. The serpent and the woman will no longer coexist peacefully; they and their descendants will now have enmity between them. If Eve's descendant is Jesus and the serpent is Satan, you could read this as the forever battle of good and evil, right and wrong, love and hate. But I digress. Back to the punishments.
For her role in this whole mess, the woman's sorrow will be multiplied and the husband will rule over her. Childbirth will be painful. For every woman. Forever. Pretty extreme sentence.
Adam too is cursed. He shall feel sorrow, toil for his food, and "unto dust shalt thou return" (hey! I recognize that phrase from Ash Wednesday Mass). God provides some clothing, so that's something positive I guess. But otherwise he is a total a-hole about this situation. He created them and told them just the one time about the tree of knowledge, and their goof-up changes everything for all humans for all eternity? Geez. Then he sends them out of Eden to fend for themselves.
P.S. We see Eve's name for the first time in this chapter.
This brings back memories of Paradise Lost, which I was supposed to read in college. I totally get how this can be read as an allegory and it's a beautiful little story in that regard. Loss of innocence, fall from grace, and so on. I do not understand, however, how anyone can read this chapter literally... a talking snake, folks.
In Chapter 3, the serpent encourages the woman to go ahead and eat from the tree of knowledge. She doesn't take much convincing. She shares with Adam, and Boom! Now they know they're naked. Fruit can do that to you. So they get to sewing aprons out of fig leaves.
God shows up to learn his new creations have disobeyed the one simple rule he gave them. Adam points the finger at Eve. She made me do it!
And now for some consequences. The serpent's punishment is to slither on its belly and eat dust. OK then. The serpent and the woman will no longer coexist peacefully; they and their descendants will now have enmity between them. If Eve's descendant is Jesus and the serpent is Satan, you could read this as the forever battle of good and evil, right and wrong, love and hate. But I digress. Back to the punishments.
For her role in this whole mess, the woman's sorrow will be multiplied and the husband will rule over her. Childbirth will be painful. For every woman. Forever. Pretty extreme sentence.
Adam too is cursed. He shall feel sorrow, toil for his food, and "unto dust shalt thou return" (hey! I recognize that phrase from Ash Wednesday Mass). God provides some clothing, so that's something positive I guess. But otherwise he is a total a-hole about this situation. He created them and told them just the one time about the tree of knowledge, and their goof-up changes everything for all humans for all eternity? Geez. Then he sends them out of Eden to fend for themselves.
P.S. We see Eve's name for the first time in this chapter.
This brings back memories of Paradise Lost, which I was supposed to read in college. I totally get how this can be read as an allegory and it's a beautiful little story in that regard. Loss of innocence, fall from grace, and so on. I do not understand, however, how anyone can read this chapter literally... a talking snake, folks.
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